It’s been three weeks yesterday – the 19th January – since you left, and it’s been such a strange, surreal time. I think it’s only starting to sink in now, especially as the funeral gets closer. The closer it comes, the more I realise how long forever actually is without you.
I’ve wanted to message you so many times and pick up the phone to call you – which is exactly why I named this blog Hey Mum, its me. At first, I did send a couple of messages to you, but because I have your phone, hearing it go off next to me just made me feel more sad. Knowing that you won’t get to read my words.
A few things have happened since you left. I got my hair done and cut in a style I’ve never had before, and I sent you some pictures, thinking you’d have absolutely loved it. You always had that natural spark with fashion – way more than me – and I used to come to you for so much advice on my hair, makeup and clothes. You just seemed to know it all. I’m so glad we went through some of your vital fashion tips before you left me. I have them written down and I will truly cherish them and live by them forever.
I’ve also made a big decision recently. I decided not to go back to SME (my current job) and the one we both loved so much, with dogs in the office and all the lovely folk there. It was such a hard decision for me, and I really wish I had your guidance now more than ever, but I do think starting a fresh with a new company next month will be the right choice for me.
We also booked a holiday for the day after the funeral – me, uncle George and Rob. We’re off to Gran Canaria which is not something I ever really thought I’d say being a Greek Islands girl through and through as you know! I’ve never even been to a Canary Island, but it does really look like somewhere you would have loved: full of nature, greenery, sunshine and sandy beaches. I’m really looking forward to it and I think it will do the three of us the world of good after the funeral. A chance to really sit back, relax and take everything in. And don’t worry – your baby Ted (the dog) will be in good hands and so well looked after whilst we’re away – I know that would always be your first worry when any one of us was going on holiday and I love you so much for that.
I’m really looking forward to a lot of things this year, but at the same time, I am dreading experiencing them without you. All of the firsts – my birthday, your birthday, Rob and I buying our first house, going to look at weddings venues, getting our puppy, and don’t even get me started on my first Christmas without you. I like to think that by then, Rob and I might be moved in and at least a little bit settled – starting our own new traditions that we can share with our own family one day. But until then, I just have to get through the next few weeks.
I have written your eulogy, and read it so many times in my head. I read it to Rob and he thinks it’s beautiful. I really hope I make you proud with it mum ❤
Life really does feel ever so strange without you here, mum. But writing these letters is helping me little by little to feel close to you and keep your memory alive. I am so much like you and people tell me it all the time. Not just in my looks but what is on the inside too. I carry you with me in everything I do day to day and in everything I am. In the kindness and love I show everyone I meet, which you taught me. I love you so much mum and I miss you more than words can ever say.
Speak soon ❤
Hey Mum, it's me... 